The Pros and Cons of Why Gambling Sucks Balls

 

So that IUI was a no go. WTF.  I hate everyone.

But I had ALL the Symptoms

The thing that annoys the hell out of me is that I had ALL of the symptoms. Tired to the 100th degree. Sore boobs. Farting like a sick goat – OMG! Spacey. Horney. Strange food aversions.

Could I blame prenatal vitamins? Hmmm… perhaps for some of those.

The Cons

Well – the obvious is number one. Not pregnant.

Second, the freaking cost! Jesus. That 8% chance with the IUI aka expensive turkey baster is almost like going to Vegas with a bunch of quarters and pulling slots. A freaking waste of time? Maybe. That was 400 bucks plus the shot for 165 plus the driving back and forth an hour and a half each way plus the vitamins (those ain’t cheap) plus plus plus.

There’s a little piggy bank to the right (scroll down a tad) if you feel sorry for us. Don’t. That was just a shameless plug for that pig. Maybe we should get a pig…

Third, the baby or babies will not be Sagittarius. Dammit all to hell. That’s my favorite sign.

We can try again, although we’re out of town during the next “shoot you up with HCG” phase.

“What sign would the next baby be?” My husband sweetly asks.

“Capricorn. Yeah, let’s skip a month.”  I said.

(sorry to those Capricorns, but that was my bio dad as well as one hell of an ass wipe of an ex – oh wait, did I say that out loud? And DUH, of course we’d be super happy with whatever sign our offspring are, but if we can have a choice, hell yeah I’ll thrown my favorite picks into that wish list! AND yes I know dammit that there are awesome Caps out there!)

Fuck everyone.

The Pros

This baby will not have a 2013 birthday! That kinda sorta makes me happy. Sorry for those who have a ’13 birthday but I think 2014 just sounds better than 2013.

We can adopt.

3 Little Black Kids!

I keep saying I want to adopt three little black kids. There’s still a chance.

Here Are the Kids I Want! Gimme.

We could call them Brad, Angelina and… you pick the third in the comments. In fact, suggest names for all of them.

What Now?

Don’t worry, I’m not running off to hit the bottle or anything and I’m not calling goat farms (yet) but I was super annoyed and frankly totally pissed off when Aunt Rose showed her face this morning. Bitch.

I Married The Best Man Ever

So we went to lunch – pizza and soda – that’s how you fill the void.

And my sweet love says to me:

This process is getting freaking annoying, right? (I nod a hell motherfucking yeah) You know, if this doesn’t ever work, it’s totally okay. I have the best life in the world with you. We would still have super fun.

(we pause – eat – stare at each other)

But then again, the world would be better off with our genes.

No shit. Especially yours. (he is an actual genius)

(we pause – eat – stare at each other)

And we could adopt little kids? (He knows I mean goats!)

Oh God. Let’s try a few more times before that, k?

 

Here’s How I Feel

Just like the one in the green little coat. Yep. That about sums it up.

Name our kids in the comments. Do it.

Please. It will make me happy.

Comments

  1. Sorry this didn’t work this time!!!!!! Maybe you could a have a child with their sign being Gemini, it’s like having twins 🙂
    Your kids should be called Moe, Larry and Curly

    • Hehehe – Geminis are pretty. Pretty crazy, but pretty. Love Moe, Larry and Curly! That made me laugh. Thank you!

  2. god damnit all to hell.
    i keep waiting to see that post when you say some rad ass shit, like, “WE ARE PREGO!!”
    good idea to keep trying before settling for goats.
    i love the shit outta the both of yous!

    i vote for:
    buck
    buddy
    bella

    • I look forward to that post too. But as my sweet husband says, we sure do love our life together and if we introduce you to Buck, Buddy and Belly instead – well, alright then. Dammit.

  3. Winston Churchill, Franklin D. Roosevelt and Joseph Stalin.
    Melissa recently posted…Ride the healing train to sexytownMy Profile

  4. Tom, Dick and Harry!

  5. omg i’m excited. like ive been waiting all my life for someone to ask me to name something for them. A long 22 yrs of hoping and waiting and making lists of cute girl names. My moment has arrived. *does crazy happy dance* I’m totes mcgoats serious, angela.

    btw..i will also be including middle names. because goats need middle names and i’m just that well prepared.

    Jurie Morgan.
    ana shane
    tegan blythe
    lisette natashya
    carrigan lana
    florabella elaine
    magmilie rene
    fallynn kate

    also..i hope they are girl goats. but hey if you want call your boy goats those pretty names i’m not to judge man.

  6. 3rd Goat name: Gotmai

  7. Your kids could be Wynken, Blynken and Rashad

  8. i’m sorry it didn’t work this time, i’m in the same boat, maybe you’re right a 2014 birthday is probably better than 2013 – now for the kids Asia, Basil and Boomer 🙂

  9. Hi Angela,

    Possible goat names~
    Baaaab (Bob), Baaaacky (Becky), Lima. 🙂

    Sending hugs today! So appreciate you!

  10. Pretty sure I was born the same year you were. 1972. I was telling the therapist lady last week your blog helped me cause I have been having the no bio children blues… And ewww I don’t want to do any of the stuff you write about. I do have three now young adult adopted children I feel blessed to have. Of course actually having a man to mate with might help as well. Went to the gyno a few years back and was asked how come I never got pregnant ….. I said dont you have to have sex to do that? :).

    Anyway, hope it works next time…. And just wanted to say adopting real people kids really isn’t a bad thing either. They are nice to have around…. The cut the grass and wash dishes sometime.

  11. Name the kids after your favorite signs.

  12. Valynn Hinds says

    Mouse, Moose, and Murray…

    Do not ask why, ask why not!?!

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