Having an IUI and HCG Shot

OMG, IUI, HCG, WTH

Uterus Art

Uterus Art

Look at what you get to learn about when you mention the word fertility. You don’t learn these terms unless you’re older, have had a miscarriage, or are actively trying to get pregnant and it doesn’t work.

I was not worried about getting pregnant. We were pregnant already. Then we miscarried twins and started hearing things like “Well, at your age…you should really… call my doctor… blah blah..”

I said no to clomid (the drug to make you ovulate) because I was ovulating and drugs freak me out. Although those pain meds when I broke my leg were fun. I’ll admit it. I didn’t feel clomid was necessary and I did not want to go through hardcore doctor visits and dive into the fertility world. I believe it will work when it’s meant to work.

After we got married, I went for a check-up and our doctor suggested we at least try an IUI to move things along – my age and all.  Puke. Vomit. Scream. Fine. But no clomid. She said she could do it without the drug, all my blood work was healthy and why not just try to ya know… move things along.

Why do I have to hurry things along? Oh, right, I’m old. Bullshit. Fine. I’ll do it.

IUI IS NOT ART

IUI stands for Intrauterine insemination. I see two Is but where’s the U? Oh, Intra-Uterine… Okay, I hate everyone. This whole process makes no sense, it’s perfect that even the acronyms are confusing. There’s another one I just learned too – ART – assisted reproductive technology procedure (wouldn’t that be ARTP?). But IUI is not listed as ART since it does not involve the manipulation of eggs. IUF is ART – that’s a whole other post.

Ahhhhhhhh!!!

You think that is confusing or annoying? Try having any of this done and dealing with the front desk, making appointments and following the instructions that are NOT provided in a clear concise manner. I mean really, where is the laminated step-by-step sheet, people?

OMG WTH is IUI?

What the hell is an IUI?

IUI is the process of your doctor or nurse taking the sperm, spinning it in a fancy machine to “clean” it. Eww. Then shooting it up in a thin tube past your cervix (NO ONE tells you that hurts) to get the sperm up in your uterus, as close to the fallopian tube that has the egg in it.

Oh, by the way like I said in my 21 Reasons Why I Hate Everyone, there is no place for your mate to provide the sperm easily in the office, or down the hall or in the bathroom. No. He has to drive with it in a cup under his armpit and get it to the hospital within an hour. No pressure.

They do an ultrasound a few days before to see if you have a follicle aka future egg (nothing is simple in this process and NOTHING is easily explained). They look to see which tube your future egg is in. Having follicles is the problem and why they put women on clomid so often, because it helps create follicles aka little future babies waiting in the tubes.

Uterus Art

I did not take clomid and there was a future egg anyway, waiting. See. The doctor was happy and said go home and come back in 36 hours after we do the shot. Yes, there’s a shot. You have to take that annoying HCG shot – at home! The shot gives you a surge of ‘release the egg’ stuff it and ovulation begins.

After the awful debacle about getting the shot in hand – not all pharmacies carry it so it’s a mail-in and takes 5-10 days. Ah.. the appointment is in one day. WTF. Who told us about mail-order-shots? NO ONE.

Luckily the pharmacist in the hospital hooked us up with the shot with a long eye-roll about how insane the health care system is and how it’s about to get a whole lot worse. Don’t let Obama Care fool you he said, it will be Oh-Bummer Care. Interesting. At this point I’m starting to believe that. Gimme that shot.

HCG SHOT – at Home!

Yes, we had to do that at home. Why the doc doesn’t do it in the office is beyond me. I also ask myself again why my husband has to carry his baby sauce in a cup under his arm. Note to self – don’t ask so much.

There are printed instructions about how to give yourself the shot though. Great, thanks! It has to go in your stomach. My husband shot me up. Then we waited for our appointment which was actually 38 hours after the shot. I read everywhere online it was supposed to be 36 hours, but it was 38. The doc said it was fine. I don’t believe her. It’s her fault.

Before we drove down to the appointment – an hour away – we needed the stuff in a cup. I helped. My mom was staying with us, not awkward at all. So we snuck away like teenagers to ya know, get the stuff out – and into a cup! Jesus.

SPINNING SPERM

OMG I can just imagine the search engines having fun with my new blog. Ugh.

We get to the office with our cup – 38 hours after the shot – and the doc rushes the cup into a room. We follow and watch as she puts it into a big spinner machine and microscope. We both got to look at them – up close. WOW, are they fast and busy.

I was surprised. With how my husband likes his whiskey, I thought they’d be drunk. Okay, I also secretly wanted to blame him for how long this knock up was taking. But his little fellas were very much alive and kicking and fast. The doc was happy.

AN IUI is UNCOMFORTABLE

There I am, legs up, facing the doc with my husband beside me. I was of course making jokes about how awkward it was that she was going to get me pregnant with her little tube thingy.

Then the process began.

What they don’t tell you or at least don’t explain very well is that putting that tube up past your cervix and rooting around to find a good spot to shoot your mate’s stuff – HURTS.

I have a high tolerance for pain. I should tell ya about my childhood. But really, that is no fun. I kept thinking it was nothing like birthing a child so shut up Shelton. But really, not fun, not fun at all.

We drove home, happy and nervous about possibly getting knocked up via tube.

Did pregnancy happen? No. The other P word did though. Period.

Fuck everyone.

Comments

  1. Great job, honey. You made me laugh by expressing your feelings! Maybe this will help change the health care system.

  2. Stupid tube! Stupid doctors, stupid everything.

  3. aw, angela. you don’t know me personally, but I am so excited to think about you having babies!

  4. Jessie Forster says

    Oh honey, I am so sorry. Debbi is right, Stupid everything!

  5. You know what else is stupid?? Everyone and their damn dogs getting pregnant! Everyone but us! Teen girls who have sex for the first time…Bam! Pregnant! Girls on birth control…bam! Pregnant!! Wth!!

    • HA! Totally right. I was thinking about posting about the women who wear T-shirts that say “Pregnancy is the new sexy” and have 12+ kids, living on the dole, no job, on drugs. Great… wth.

  6. Ok, I know this really hasn’t got much to do with this blog, but I am pissed and needed to vent about something.I am f..ing tired of doing shit for people, trying to remember birthdays, anniversaries and all that crap. Why is that I am the one that can do this shit and NOT one damn person can remember important stuff in my life. Why do I have to call my family and say to them, today is my anniversary? They should remember that day, that was the day that forever changed my life for the good and they know it, damn it!!!! Why do I give my hubby (who I love, but am seriously mad at) a card today and he says oh I thought tomorrow was our anniversary. Seriously asshole, we have only been married 4 years. He loved his card and told me I don’t do cards, yeah no shit, didn’t get one for Christmas this year. I am so sick of people!!!

    • Oh gurrrll – it’s good to vent sometimes. It makes me grin that you want to vent on my blog. You go right ahead. You can also set him (and others) up with a Google Alert that goes right to their email a day before, week before, or day of! Put it in your google calendar and then add a recipient. I need those for alerts on when to have sex during ovulation. HAHA

      • Great idea, but he nevers checks email!! Plus, it’s such an important day, I would think he would remember!!! I would also think my family would remember as well.
        You make me laugh, your alert you should have a great sex song to remind you!

  7. Johnna Janis says

    So many friends have been down this road….ups and downs. Two of our good friends just had a little girl after 3 years of trying naturally, and in-vitro that worked the first time!Best of luck to you Ms. Angela!!! Hugs from all of us in San Diego 🙂

  8. Thank you for sharing my images in your post. I really enjoyed reading some honest words about the process!

    ~Kristen

    • Hello! LOVE your work and thank you so much for having your images under Creative Commons. Weee. I pinned you too. Happy to share, love to share and love my uterus, even if there is a freaking polyp in there!

  9. Thank you for your honesty & sense of humor during such an intimate experience. Best of luck to you.

    • Thank you! Keeping sense of humor is how I roll. But I still burst into tears and want to bitch sometimes before and after a good laugh! hehe

  10. Oh good God, I got halfway through your post and screamed, “FORGET IT I DON’T EVEN WANT KIDS!!!” There’s no way anyone who has kids the “easy” way can possibly understand what infertility is like, but you did a pretty good job right there of helping us touch that tip of the iceberg of frustration with you. HOW FRUSTRATING!

    • Thanks lady! And yeah, it’s annoying. I can’t stand that word infertility. I don’t buy it. I say don’t use that word. 😉

  11. Candid and informative. I can’t imagine going through all that you have explained. After routine exams, I leave the physician’s office traumatized. I don’t understand why health care professionals do not understand that when they deal with patients, they deal with lives, life–thinking, feeling human beings. Patients are clients, not merchandise. Services are sold, yes, but all the services offered in the medical field are life altering–all of them. Some are more substantial than others, obviously. I’m angry for you and feel for you.
    My hope is that you know that regardless of the outcome (and I’m hoping the best for you) it is so important on so many levels that you share your story. I’m grateful for you.

    • You’re so awesome. So happy to see you on here. Thanks for reading and commenting and bless yer big heart gal!

  12. sohila zadran says

    I really like your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you design this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you? Plz answer back as I’m looking to create my own blog and would like to find out where u got this from. many thanks

Trackbacks

  1. […] our first and unsuccessful IUI (without clomid) my husband and I were kinda […]

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  3. An Egg Hunt says:

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  4. […] doctor looked at the ultrasound on Friday and told us to do the HCG shot Saturday night and come in Monday morning for the […]

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